“There are things we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life!”
It was November 30, 2011, 22 days ago to be exact, when my divorce was finalized! I was, and still am extremely happy. There is a sense of finality and success as I made it through a very rough time in my life. Those who were with me during the entire process will agree that it seemed to take FOREVER!! I would get comments such as, “you’re STILL not divorced?” But, all things happen at the right time, when they’re suppose to happen in your life.
Now that it’s complete, this chapter of my life is complete as well. I sit here today a new woman, completely free from the title of “married” that loomed over me for so long: married, but single, separated, but still technically attached…yeah, try to explain that one to a man who asks if you’re single! Aside from explaining myself to others, it’s the internal gratification and sense of freedom that has been heightened. As someone said to me this morning, as of November 30, I let go of baggage. There could not be a more true statement. I was carrying baggage and although the baggage wasn’t holding me back, in some ways it was slowing me down. It was unfinished business, a chapter I couldn’t finish writing.
So I sit here now, writing my last chapter. The last chapter also includes the last entry of this blog because I no longer ask the question, “why did I get married?” Through interactions with other men and woman going through divorce, through conversations with close friends, through deep self-reflection and through my writings, I know exactly why I got married. I know I was young and naive. I know I had no idea the amount of work, sacrifice and true sharing from 2 people marriage required. I was 23 years old. I wasn’t able to be successful at a commitment that big because I didn’t understand it, I didn’t know ME and I didn’t know my ex husband the way one needs to know a person before being married. I know I was simply “taking the next step” in a relationship and was enjoying the constant validation from family and friends. I enjoyed the gifts, I had fun at my wedding and my rings were beautiful. All of those “things” kept me there.
10 year later I am a new person. I am truly living my life. Through this I have learned who Krischa Esquivel truly is. I have discovered my true passions and have learned not to compromise my authentic self in the process. I am now embarking on a journey I never imagined. I am writing for blogs on education,I am consulting in the field of early education, I am dancing, I am laughing, loving and enjoying the life I have created! I have discovered that the core of me has been untouched. The essence of who I am, one who helps others, shares experiences and is open to be vulnerable, has miraculously been protected and for that I grateful. Because of this, I have also been blessed to guide so many other people through their personal transitions in life: some divorces, schooling, writing of books, birthing of children, death of loved ones, financial concerns, family issues and parenting struggles. THIS is where I find my joy, this is where my passions are rooted. From these things I am more than excited for the next projects coming up in my life, and in the lives of powerful, strong woman around me. There is more to come, there will be other chapters…but not here.
This journey has been amazing. This journey has been heartbreaking. I can truly appreciate being broken down, because from that I was rebuilt and am better than I ever imagined. I appreciate all the ugly words said to me, because it allowed me to speak life into myself and know who I really am…no validation from others needed! I appreciate the many struggles, because without them I never would have realized my true strength and spirit of tenacity. I appreciate the new friends I have made along the way because they have held me up when all I wanted to do was fall down. I appreciate my family who never judged me, never left me, but held me accountable for my actions and never allowed me or the kids to go without the NECESSITIES. I appreciate my ex husband for the years of experiences we had together. Without them I would not be here now. I would not have been able to share so openly and empower so many others.
So I finish this chapter, end this final post saying thank you to everyone who read, everyone who shared their stories with me, everyone who passed my story to others. Remember that in sharing your story, you empower yourself, you allow healing to take place, and you give strength to others. Yes, this is the final chapter…but my NEW life is only just beginning!